laughter

Salon Sign: If your hair isn't becoming to you, you should be coming to us. 

Hairspray. Well that'll get to your head.

License plate: 1 3 5 7 9
Me: Well that's odd

Curl up 'n Dye. Hair specialist. 

Frog Parking Only. All Others will be Toad. 
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Don't let your worries get the best of you;
Remember, Moses started out as a basket case. 

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Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
Until you try to sit in their pews.

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It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one. 

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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
But mosquitoes come close.

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When you get to your wit's end,
You'll find God lives there.

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People are funny; they want the front of the bus,
Middle of the road,
And back of the church.

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Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.

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Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

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If a church wants a better pastor,
                   It only needs to pray for the one it has.                               

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Some minds are like concrete
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

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Peace starts with a smile.

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Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em. 

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Stop, Drop, and Roll won't work in Hell. 

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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous. 

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            Don't put a question mark where God put a period.                               

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Forbidden fruits create many jams.

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God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.

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God grades on the cross, not the curve. 

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God loves everyone,
But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!' 

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God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. 

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He who angers you, controls you!

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If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!

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Prayer:
Don't give God instructions, just report for duty!

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The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.

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The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

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We don't change the message,
The message changes us.

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You can tell how big a person is
By what it takes to discourage him. 

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

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If this blessed you in a profound way today,

Share it with a few friends to bless them!
I bet someone else will LOVE it too.

There is no greater treasure than a good friend!

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.

It's about learning to dance in the rain
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A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
6. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
7. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
8. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
9. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
10. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
11. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
12. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
13. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
15. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
16. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
17. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
20. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
21. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. 
22. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
23. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
24. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
25. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
26. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
27. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
28. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
29. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
30. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.